Uncertainty
by Moonltwolf
Summary: He pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He knew that Al would kill him if he found out, but despite that he could not stop. He hears a voice speak from behind him, "Does Al know?"
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Based off of a headcannon I read this story just fell into place in my mind. **

Ed sat at on the edge of the bed, staring at the wall not sure where to go with now in the journey to bring his brother body back to its original form. He knew that the philosopher's stone was no longer part of the equation with the fact that he refused to take the life of another human being. No that was not it, he would take the life of another just to save his brother but he knew that his brother would not be able to bare it if he that it took the lives of so many people. "Man this is messed up." Ed muttered looking over to his brother who looked at him when he spoke.

"Brother?" Al questioned watching his brother get up. "Where are you going?"

Al went to stand in order to join his brother only to be stilled by a wave of his older brother's hand. "I'm just going to go out for a walk; I need to clear my head. I'll be fine, and you know it."

"Okay brother," Al mutters not curtain that he should let Ed go out on his own, but he knew better then to argue with his stubborn brother. "Be safe."

"Yeah, yeah." He says with the door slamming back behind him.

Ed knew that he should not be lying to his brother but, his hands had started to get very shaky and he needed something to calm his frazzled nerves. When he stepped out into the cold snowy night and pulled the damned pack out of his pocket along with the lighter and lit the cigarette taking a long draw from it. With the chemicals in his body he already felt slightly calmer, and his hands had stopped shaking as bad as they were before. He had begun to rely on the damned things more then he wanted to, but it was true what they said, that the things we addicting. When he let out the breath his brothers words came back to him, "Mr. Havoc, you know those things will kill you so why do you still choose to use them." He knew that if Al found out that he smoked he would kill him. He laughed Winry would to, but he honestly did not know where to start even if he wanted to quit, they helped him keep his nerve in check.

He took another drag from the thing when he heard someone come up behind him. "Ed?"

Well speak of the devil."Hey Winry!" Ed jumped dropping the cigarette snuffing it out before she could see. "What are you doing out in the cold, I thought you would be in the buildings."

"Oh, you weren't in the room with your brother so I thought that I would go out and find you for him, so that he wouldn't fall into the snow." She comes over looking at the ground where Ed had his foot over the end of his cigarette. "What are you doing out here I thought at you would be in bed by now?"

"I had to get some fresh air, the room was getting to stuffy for me," Ed mutters pulling her away from where he was just standing and toward the door leading up to the room. He didn't notice that she looked back and could smell the smoke that was wafting from him. He pulled her threw the doors, "Al and I are staying up here your welcome to join us, I sure Al would be happy to see you.

When they got to the door Winry stopped Ed, "Does Al know?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I mean Ed, so how long have you been smoking?" Winry asked placing a hand on Ed shoulder.

"Winry…" Ed started then looked away, he didn't know what to say, should he lie or tell the truth. No she would kill him if he told her exactly how long, but he didn't want to lie to her. "Honestly about 4 years now."

"Ed!" Winry looked shocked at first then her eyes filled with worry. "Why?"

"I don't know, not really, I just tried and it calmed my nerves, look either way don't tell Al, I don't want him to worry." Ed said looking back at her, her blue eyes shining with worry. "Look Winry, you have no idea what I have seen, and I-I-I needed something, I hadn't meant to get addicted but I-I am now and I don't want to stop, not until everything is back to normal."

"Ed those things will kill you and you know it, please you have to stop!" Winry yelled grabbing Ed's shoulder.

"Winry keep your voice down!" Ed warned, "I told you that I don't want Al to know, so please keep this between us."

"No Ed," She yelled, "Why should I help you with something that could kill you. Alphonse get out here!"

"Yes?" Al questioned looking between his friend and his brother both looking tense as though they had been fighting. "You know you to should try not to fight, it'd not good for friends." He laughed trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"Winry please?" Ed begged slightly, when he saw his brother come out of the room, he had been trying to hide this because he knew he would get beaten as well as yelled at by his brother, exceptionally since he had been hiding it for so long.

"Brother?" Al spoke, he had never seen his brother beg anybody let alone Winry, he was normally too proud to do something like that. "Okay what's going on, Winry you look mad and brother you look tense."

"Ed I told you I will not let you get away with this habit." Winry looked at Ed though his face seemed calm even she could tell that Ed was nervous, and she really didn't want to hurt him, but she also knew that Ed shouldn't hide things like this from his brother. "Al Ed's been," She paused not sure how to say it.

With a sigh Ed spoke, "I'm sorry Al but I've been addicted to cigarettes for about 4 years now, Winry though I should tell you and we fought." Ed put his hands in his pocket and looked up from the floor to see a shocked look on Winry's face and his brother's body language told him that Al wasn't expecting that.

His sentence was met with silence that seemed to go on for hours until finally Al spoke is voice soft and full of pain, "What?" That one word, the pain in Al's voice broke Ed and he turned away looking any place but at them. "Brother, your laying, trying to pull my leg, right?"

"No Al I'm not, I started about the time I went to town for my State Alchemist exam, I never meant to, but they helped me calm down. I haven't been able to stop since." Ed's voice was soft with none of the normal fire, or defiance that it always held. This was a side that nobody but Al and Winry would see of him.

Without warning Al's fist came up and hit Ed across the face. "You idiot, no wonder your breathing has been so rough!" He yelled taking a step forward, "You have had trouble breathing for a while and you never thought to tell me that you smoked! How many people know anyway, because I swear to god if you told anybody else I'm going to kill you?"

"Al I think you should calm down a little." Winry comments as she walked over to Ed to help him up.

"No, Winry you knew this would be his reaction when you told him, why do you think I didn't want him to know." Ed snapped she brought this on them with her sticking her noise into things that were none of her business.

"Don't yell at her brother and answer my question." Al was shaking with anger. "Who else knows?"

"No one, Al I never told anybody, hell even Mustang doesn't know." Ed said his voice still soft.

"Why would you not tell me brother?" Al's voice lost the anger and was again filled with pain that made Ed want to crawl into a hole and hide, he never meant to hurt anybody but he didn't want to worry his brother. It was the older brother's job to do the worrying and the younger brother's job to stay innocent and be worried about. "I could have helped you stop. I still can."

"Al, it's not that easy, I honestly don't want to stop, they help me calm down." Ed looked at his brother and could almost see the disappointed look on his face that was mirrored in Winry's eyes. "And before you get all upset, I know I should have told you but I didn't want you to worry about me, it's not your job to worry about me. So please don't." when he said that he turned and started walking toward the door that lead to the streets.

Al jumped and grabbed his brother's arm before he made it too far, "No way, you don't get of that easy, turn out your pockets. Now!"

Ed knew that he wasn't going to win against his brother, he never did in the past and it didn't help that Winry was standing there if Al didn't get his way Winry would help and then he would end up with a wrench to the head. So without saying anything he took out the half empty pack and lighter and handed it to his brother. "That's all I have, but what are you going to do with them."

"Destroy them."

Al's voice was firm and there was no changing his mind and Ed knew he should leave it well enough alone, "Al, just hold them, you know it's dangerous to stop cold turkey, exceptionally when I've been smoking for 4 years now, I'm not sure I can stop at the moment so don't destroy them just hold them."

"No brother."

"Al please, don't if you're holding them you can monitor how I may have, I can try to stop. I know that I can't stop cold turkey."

"Brother?" Al was hurt and Ed could tell but this was something Ed knew about himself he smokes too much to just stop.

"How long does a pack last you Ed?" Winry's voice shocked him, he had had honestly forgot that she was there.

"About 4 days normally." Ed spoke clearly, no sense in hiding anything anymore.

"That's not that long Ed," Winry spoke with concern.

"I don't want pity and you should know me better than that, so stop that, I'll try and stop okay but no pity." Ed yells, it's not there job to worry about him, in fact he hated that they were.

"Okay Ed, I'm sorry," Winry mutter looking down.

"Brother doesn't yell at her that's mean." Al was stern sometimes it's hard to understand that Ed was the older one. "If a pack lasts you about 4 days then that's 5 a day right, and the day is almost over today so. No more today, you can have one tomorrow when you wake up, how's that sound brother."

"Not fun but fine." Ed couldn't help but smile his brother may not understand what drew him to smoking but at least he's trying to help. Ed would be lying if he said he wanted to smoke his whole life, but he never knew where to start so this seems to be as good of place as any. "Thanks Al, Winry."

"Anytime Ed," Winry smiled. "Let's go and get some sleep it seems like tomorrow will be a long day."

"Brother, if you get stressed again just talk to us, at least we won't try and kill you." Al said with a smile following Ed and Winry into the room.

"You sure about that Al, your punches hurt." Ed says with a laugh laying on the bed the Briggs solders provided for them. "But I'll try, that's the best I can do." He heard the others laughing but he was too tired and soon fell into the first deep sleep he had in a long time.

**AN: Well that was longer then I thought that it would be but like I said it kinda just went poof into my head. **


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: So I don't know how this will work but now it's Ed's rehab time! **

Ed stood outside with the wind whipping around him; it had only been about 2 days since Al and Winry found out about him smoking and since then they had been pushing Ed's every button. They only let Ed have 2 cigarettes a day and that hasn't been helping, Ed could feel himself getting more and more irritated, and at times like this he wished he could have one, but as Al says he could have one when he woke, and before he went to sleep, this was neither of those times so Ed would have to suffer or face Al's metal hand and Winry's wrath. He shutter now really want to do that right now. "Man I wish I could have a smoke right now." Ed mutters looking down at the ground 7 stories underneath him.

"You know you can't do that Ed," Al came up behind ducking so he could stand beside him. "We made a deal only 2 cigarettes a day Ed." Al put his hand on his shoulder.

"I know, I know," Ed sighed looking at his brother, he could almost imagine the look on Al's being one of concern, these last few days have been hard on Ed, and he knew Al felt just as bad about the whole thing. "But seriously Al, can I please have one more just today I swear." Ed begged. Man he hated this, having to ask his younger brother for a cigarette when he could just have one in the past, he also hated that he couldn't keep his hands steady anymore, they were always shaking.

"No brother, you know that you have to stick to the plan and you'll be stopped in no time." Al said overly cheerful.

"Yeah whatever," Ed snapped harshly walking away from his stunned brother and into the elevator that lead down to the ground floor, if Al wouldn't give him any he would find some on his own.

"Brother wait!" Al started to go after Ed but the doors closed before he could.

Good Ed thought I need some time to myself but then when the elevator started to descend and Ed was met with silence he was gripped with guilt. "Damn it, why did I have to yell at him, god I'm so stupid!"

Ed sank to the floor and curled into a ball, almost the same time the doors open to Warrant Officer Falman standing at the entrance. "Ed? What are you doing on the floor?" He said walking into the elevator. "Are you getting off?"

"No," Ed muttered not looking up.

"Hey umm what's the matter there Edward?" He said hitting the button to take him up to the top floor. "Why are you so down?"

"My brother is trying to help me stop smoking and he won't let me have a cigarette, so now my hands won't stop shaking, and to top all that off I go and yell at him." Ed blurted out without thinking tears starting to blur his vision.

"Umm… I didn't know that you smoked Ed," Falman spoke softly not sure of what to say.

"Yeah I have for about 4 years now." Ed muttered, shifting so that he could stand up.

"Wow I guess you learn something new about someone every day." Falman said looking at Ed asking, "How many did you smoke a day?"

"About 5 a day about, sometimes more depending on the situation," Ed answered, "And Al wants me to go down to 2 a day, and well it's not working I'm so shaky and nervous," as he spoke his foot starting to tap as though to emphasize his point.

"Does he know that's not a good number for you to drop to, I mean that when Havoc tried to cut back he had to go down 1 cigarette a week for a while to get where he is now." Falman mused looking at the lights flashing telling the boys that there was only one more floor to go till they got to their destination.

"Really? Doesn't Havoc smoke like a pack day now?" Ed was shocked by that bit of news.

"Yeah he does but well…" Falman muttered looking at Ed, "I think you should tell your brother that 2 a day isn't working for you and you need to go up to maybe 3 because I can tell you now that part of your attitude is from the stress your body is under because you don't have the chemicals in it enough."

"Yeah I know that," Ed snapped, instantly regretting it as Falman takes a step back from surprise. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you." He apologized just as the doors opened to let them out. Ed takes this opportunity to run out of the elevator and to the stares in order to get away from a shocked Falman.

As Ed ran he could feel tears welling up behind his eyes. He ran over to the stair case and started down not caring that he had about 7 flights of stairs to go. He just needed to run, to try and work of the anger that was boiling in him. By the time that he made it down a flight his lungs were burning and he whad to resist the urge to start coughing. He made it down 2 more flights before he absolutely had to stop because he could not breathe. "GRAAHH!" Ed yelled in frustration, despite running down 3 flights of stairs he still wanted to punch something, and he wanted a god damned cigarette.

He stayed like that for about 30 minutes, panting because it hurt to take deeper breaths, before he calmed down enough to think clearly. Finally he decided he should go find his brother and apologize for getting so mad at him earlier. So with that thought he gets up from the stairs he had been sitting on and starts down them to where the barracks were located. When he finally gets to the landing that lead to his room his nerves where getting the better of him and he started to pick at inside of his pockets, but despite his nerves he kept on walking and soon found himself in front of his room that he shared with Al and Winry.

"Al where do you think that Ed ran off to," Ed heard Winry say from the room.

"No I don't," Al answered. "He just got mad and stormed away."

Ed froze with his hand on the door knob not really sure if he could actually go through with this he didn't want to face them. He went to turn away and leave but ran into Falman, "No, Edward go and talk to them, you will feel better if you stop holding in everything." Ed nodded looking at the door, feeling Falman push him slightly toward it. "Go."

"Fine but don't treat me like a child," Ed spoke with his normal defiance laced into his voice and his eyes light happily. "Thanks." He said and without giving Falman a chance to reply he opens the door and walks in to see Winry and Al sitting on the bed facing each other. "Hey, guys." Ed spoke shyly looking at them.

"Ed!" Al yelled happily as he grabbed him into a huge hug. "You had me worried about you were did you go?"

"Out for a walk, I needed to clear my head." Ed said standing there when Winry came over and held her hand out. "Winry?"

"Turn out your pockets Ed." She spoke sharply as she stood there watching Ed.

"Winry, I don't have any cigarettes on me Al has them all," Ed said defensively hurt that Winry didn't trust him enough to stay true to his word. But either way he turned his pockets out just to get her off his back. "I keep my word Winry; you of all people should know that." Ed snapped still feeling the sting of her mistrust.

"Sorry Ed, I just don't want you smoking anymore." She muttered.

"Yeah well obviously I do to or I wouldn't let you guys stop me, so stop thinking I'm going to cheat every time I'm not in your sight." Ed snapped his anger rising again, "Look I can't do this anymore, I can't cut down that much right now can I go up to 3 a day for a sometime right now." He knew that they did not like that but he could not cut down that much right now. With the resent attack of sloth and everything about the higher ups coming to investigate and the bastard Kimblee breathing down his neck and threatening Winry.

"No Ed you," Winry started only to be interrupted by Al.

"Brother I think I understand, so here." Despite Winry's objection Al knew his brother and he could see that Ed was trying. "I don't like it brother not at all, I can see that this is not working, so we will have to change the way we go about things." Al's voice was calm and thoughtful.

"Al…" Winry sounded defeated when she spoke, "You know that Ed agreed to cut down that much you can't just let him cheat." She grabbed the pack before Ed could even react to what was said.

"Winry," Ed muttered he spoke soft reaching for her arm. "I don't want to cheat and I only agreed to it because if I hadn't you would have beaten me with that wrench you always hold!" Again Ed was getting angry his tendency for having a short temper was coming back to bite him in the butt. "Look do you know what's happening around you! You're a prisoner kept here to make sure that we don't go and mess up the military's plan! Do you know what kind of pressure I've been under and now with that damned homunculi being after us and trying to kill us!" Ed was yelling his anger at the boiling point. "And you wonder why I smoke! I have to get mine and Al's body back, it was my fault that everything happened the way it did so its m responsibility to get it back to normal," Ed knew he should stop but he could make himself he is just too angry, but as he went on he could see Winry began to cry, "Something you know nothing about I might add-"

"Brother stop now!" Al's voice boomed as he grabbed Ed's arm to pull him away from Winry. "Brother, what has gotten into you brother?"

"Are you that ready to kill yourself Ed?" Winry said her voices laced with anger that matched the way that Ed felt. "You know what; don't answer that because I already know the answer. Ed I may not know what you have been through but have you ever thought that could be because you never tell me! So take this things," She threw the pack that she had been holding at Ed's face as hard as she could, forgetting that his reactions were faster than most people and he caught them with little difficulty. She let out a huff and started to the door

"Don't go, Winry, please; I'm sorry for yelling I mean it. Just please don't go." Ed's voice held a softness that made Winry stop dead in her tracks, "I never wanted to kill myself, if I did I would be dead and there would be nothing you could do about that," His voice turned sharp again and he could see in the way Winry was standing that she knew he was telling the truth, at one point, with Scar, he might have thought that dyeing was the best idea to save his brother but he learned that it wasn't and he was never going back on that. "But I know myself, I will stop smoking but I can't cut back that much right now. Not with what is going on."

Winry didn't say anything more but walked out the door and left a stunned Al and a pissed off Ed behind. "Maybe you were too harsh on her brother." Al said moving so that he could sit back down on the bed.

"Damn it," Ed muttered and out of habit pulled a cigarette out of the pack bringing it to his lips reaching into his pocket for his lighter.

"Here you go brother." Al said sadly handing him the lighter.

"Thanks," Ed said not really looking at him while he lit the thing breathing in the chemicals that calm him down again. "I'll talk to her when she calms down." He pauses looking down almost shyly, "Al?"

"Yes brother."

"None of this is your fault," Ed said with conviction, Ed brought his hand up to stop his brother from talking. "I chose this because I was too scared to talk to you about what was on my mind. So don't blame yourself."

"I know brother, and I think that Winry will understand when she calms down, so why don't you come and study the books I was able to find and get your mind off of things." Al suggested pulling a book out so that he could look at it.

Ed smiles looking at his younger brother again, it could be hard to tell who the older brother was when Al made such a valid point, but still worried about Winry and the way she stormed out. "I don't know." He spoke at the same time Winry came in with a smile that quickly turned into a frown when she saw that Ed had a cigarette in his hand.

"Will three a day be good?" She asked with her hand behind her back.

"For about 7 to 10 days just so that I can get used to not having the same amount of nicotine in my system, then down to 2 a day for a while and so on till I'm able to not have any a day, it will take some time and I will not be in a good mood but that is the best way for me to stop." Ed spoke matter of factly feeling slightly better that she wasn't yelling at him.

"Okay then you are going to need more so I took the time to go to the store, I don't know what you like but here." She hands him a new pack. "I'm sorry for yelling."

"What made you change your mind?" Ed asked grabbing the pack with some caution.

"I ran into a man that identified himself as Falman, he told he about Halvoc and well it helped me think clearer." Winry gave a soft smile, "When did you tell him."

"After I blew up at Al, I kinda needed someone to talk to and he showed up." Ed spoke rubbing the back of his head, and again without thinking taking a draw from his cigarette. "Sorry."

He went to drop the half-finished end, but is stopped short by Winry's hand. "No more hiding."

Ed smirked and quickly pulled her into a hug. 'this might not be as bad as I thought it would be' he thought as Winry blushed pulling away quickly. Ed laughed and grabbed the book from Al plopping on the bed to read, and as an unspoken thing everyone in the room goes about the rest of the day in comfortable silence.

**AN: Well that was longer then I thought that it would be, I had fun playing with Ed's tendency for having a short temper so he had to have a few temper tantrums. **

**Thanks for reading! **


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: ok not much to say except that I am adding some plot and some more sadness.**

Ed woke suddenly, a cold sweet covering his violently shaking body, from his dream. "Brother?" He heard Al's calm voice from across the room. "Brother you ok?"

All Ed could do was shake his head as he grabbed his automail leg bringing his knee up against his cheek. He felt the bed he was sitting on sink as his brother sat beside him; Ed shook his head again when he felt his brothers hand rest on his back. "Brother talk to me, you're shaking."

"I'm fine Al," Ed spoke his voice soft so that he would wake Winry who was asleep on the other bed, he saw that Al didn't believe him so he spoke again. "Really Al, just the same dream that I have been having for years, nothing I'm not used to."

Ed started pushing the blankets off his body, as he did this he could feel his brother's eyes on him and his dream flashes threw his eyes. Those cold dead eyes stare at him, the eyes were supposed to his mother's but turned into a monster that plagued his every dream, instead this time those eyes are accompanied by his brothers voice, "How could you do this to me, brother, how could you lie to me? Do you want to join mom?"

Ed shook his head trying to clear the voice and image out of his head, only then did he relies that his brother was trying to talk to him. "Brother you shouldn't get up," Al had his hand on his shoulders now holding him down against the bed. At the sound of his brother's voice Ed looks up and meets his brothers gaze, Ed eyes were full of fear, Ed shook his head again and stood despite the hand trying to hold him down.

"I'm gonna go get some air," Ed mutters grabbing his jacket absently checking his pocket for his ever present pack of cigarettes.

"You know you don't have to lie anymore and you can ask for a cigarette you know." Al spook and Ed froze dead in his movements, his hand pulled slightly away from his body. "You sure you're ok Ed, you seem distracted by something?" Al asked handing a cigarette to Ed as well as the lighter he will need.

"Stop asking me if I'm ok, I'm fine, ok Al," Ed snapped grabbing the items that Al held out for him, he took a deep breathe closed his eyes only to be greeted by the image of his mother's transmuted body that seemed to imprint itself on the back of his eye lids at the moment.

"Ed! Keep your voice down you don't want to wake Winry," Al said with surprise in his voice, Ed must have a lot on his mind, "Go and calm do then come and talk to me, remember that you only get 2 more today." Al warned as Ed headed out the door.

"Yeah, yeah I know," Ed sighed already dreading the day that is to come. He walked absently up the stairs deciding that he would have the least chance to see anybody and he did not want to talk to anybody.

He reached the 7th floor and looked out over the snow covered land that seemed to change in look every time he chooses to look at it. As he took another draw for his cigarette his mind began to wander back to his early conversation with Al. He never meant to snap at his brother but he voice sounded too much like the dreams that haunted his sleep. He knew he should tell Al about his dreams but he didn't know how to tell him. How could he tell his little brother that he still remembered the horrible face that they had created when they committed the taboo?

"I thought you would be up here." He heard a voice that snapped him out of his thoughts; he turned and saw Winry watching him with calm eyes.

"Hey," Ed muttered turning around so that he was leaning on the railing, watching Winry as she walked over and mimicked his position. "Sorry if I woke you."

"You didn't I was already half awake, and actually it was Al that woke me," Winry answered and laughed at Ed's suppressed face, "When you shut the door Al tried to take a step back and tripped over my tool box. He can be a klutz sometimes but not as much as you."

"Hey, I'm not that bad," Ed grumbled and laughed despite himself and could feel himself relax, he looked over at Winry who was staring off into space. He never thought of her as anything more than a childhood friend but with this situation with Kimblee, he knew that he would kill to keep her out of his troubles.

"You're staring at me, what are you thinking?" Winry asked smiling.

"Nothing, important," Ed said quickly looking away, crushing end of the cigarette under his foot.

"Yeah, then care to tell me about that dream you had?"

Ed stiffened and looked over at Winry, "I don't know what you're talking about." Ed lied hoping that she would leave it at that but knew she wouldn't.

"Ed," he voice dropped into her serous tone leaving no trace of the laugh that had been there before. "I know you had a bad dream and if you won't tell Al about it tell me." When she saw that Ed had shaken his head to telling her that he didn't want to talk about it she pressed on. "This is the very thing we asked you not to hide, I pretty sure that your dream has something to do with your smoking and telling us may help you quit." She was nearly yelling at his stubbornness.

"Winry…" he spoke softly again in tone that only she and Al could bring out of him, his defiance and fire gone from his voice replaced with calm and caring. "I know but," He paused looking over to her. "but I don't know how to tell you."

"Start from the beginning."

"You're not going to give up are you," Ed smirked, "Did Pinako ever tell you what she found in our basement after Al got his metal body?" Ed saw Winry shake her head so he continued. "What we brought back was nothing like are mother, it was, well," Ed hesitated trying to figure out how to describe the creature to Winry. "Well, it looked like a skeleton with black skin and the head turned around so that the neck looked broken." Winry looked shocked with the description. "Well I have a reoccurring nightmare about the moment the thing looking at me, except the thing talks, sometimes about not being able to save her, or like last night Al telling me that I am worthless because I lie to him about something, this time about my smoking," By the end of his description he had tensed.

"Ed," Winry spoke softly putting her hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

Ed shrugged her off, "No pity," he tried to snap but couldn't get his voice to fall into the tone he would normally use.

"Ed, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed so hard."

"No, I've wanted to tell someone for a while but the only person who I could was Al and I will not bring that up with him." Ed's Voice dropped into his normal defiant tone.

"Oh Ed, I'm sorry I didn't know you were no a date with your girlfriend." Kimblee spoke coming out of the elevator, "I'd say that I would come back later but I can't, we need you down stairs for a meeting that you have to be in otherwise…" He cut off looking over at Winry his eyes shining with the threat that he had been holding over Ed's head since Winry was brought here.

Ed stepped in front of Winry pushing her back into the railing slightly, "Fine by me but I would like to take Winry back to our room first so she can stay will Al," Ed's voice carried a threat of his own that Kimblee caught with a smile.

"Of course, you shouldn't leave her alone," He turned and hit the button to the elevator to head down to the meeting room. "We meet in an hour."

"That damned bastard," Ed swore grabbing Winry's hand firmly as he steered her to the stairs.

"Ed?" Winry spoke softly trying to keep up with Ed who despite the fact that he was the one who wasn't taking care of himself the way he should, was keeping a fast pace down the stairs.

"Hmm?"

"Can we slow down a little I can't keep up with you when you're mad?" Winry was panting.

"Sorry," Ed muttered slowing his pace enough so that she could keep up with ease.

When they got to the room Ed slammed the door open, startling Al who had been resting against the wall by the bed. "Brother?"

Ed looked back at Winry who was gasping for breath, "Winry, are you ok?"

"Yeah, how are you not panting?"

"I am but I've gotten good at hiding, I've had to, because I choose to hide my smoking." He said in a matter of fact tone of voice. "Either way Al I need you to keep an eye on Winry. I don't want any of Kimblee's men coming to talk to her, not with the bastard's threat."

"You know I will but why?" Al asked looking between the two of them.

"I was called into the meeting room for some form of meeting that I need to attend, though I hope that General Armstrong and Major Miles will be there." Ed answered walking over his suitcase to grab his jacket, he had been walking around without it for the moment because he hadn't grabbed it.

"What do you think it is about?" Al asked.

"I know, but I can't tell you," Ed said putting is jacket on. He put his hands into his pockets fingering his pocket watch bumping into his lighter as well though he handed the lighter to his brother, "Here Al."

"Thanks…" Al hated it when his brother had to keep secretes from him, even though it was his job. "Be careful don't do anything reckless."

"Sure thing," Ed smirked walking out of the room and down the stairs to the meeting room that he knew was about Scar, and how he was thought to be in the area. Ed was scared because last time he had seen Scar was when Winry had pulled a gun on him and nearly shot him. Before Ed knew it he was in front of the meeting room. He took a moment to steady his racing heart and pulled the door open to another boring meeting.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Here's another chapter for a guys, thanks so much for the reviews and I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I did writing it. **

Ed's head was reeling from the information that he had just been told, not only was he supposed to looking for the homunculus and Scar. They were going to go out to the nearest town tomorrow to look for Scar, and he was supposed to join the search. They had told him that his alchemy skill was needed for the search that and Ed was the only person hear who had fought Scar so he knew what to expect. While he was thinking he hadn't realized that he was in front of his room that he shared with Al and Winry, only to hear them speaking, "Ed has been gone for a while now, I'm getting worried about him."

"Winry, he can take care of himself, and you should calm down." Al's voice was soft and full of trust and Ed couldn't help but smile, his dream had been wrong, Al wasn't too mad at him that he had lost his trust in his brother.

"I know but with the way he was earlier I can't help but be nervous." Winry close to the door Ed could tell by the volume of her voice.

Ed put his hand over the door handle and pulled it open to find that he had been right about where Winry was, she had been pacing so she had just turned her back to him as he opened the door, Al was sitting on Ed's been and looked up in shock as Ed walked in, "awe Winry you keep worrying about me like that and you'll end up over stressed."

"Ed!" Winry screeched grabbing him into a hug , "Thank goodness you are ok!"

"What did you think I was doing it was just a meeting." Ed laughed as he hugged Winry back, not quite sure why he didn't want to let her go.

"I don't care, you were a mess this morning and then you have to go and play nice with a killer." Winry snapped hitting Ed's arm lightly.

"Killer?"

"I know what Kimblee has done." It was Winry's turn to be matter of fact with her face set into a serious mask.

"Yeah I guess he isn't the best man to talk to, not very nice either." Ed smiled pulling his red cloak off, and the jacket that he had pulled on leaving him in his jeans and tank top. "Nothing bad happened, Kimblee can't attack me without angering the military and possibly getting himself thrown back into jail. Though I don't think he wants to, because for the moment he needs me." Ed smirked looking over his shoulder at his roommates. "I have a mission with them tomorrow morning, and before you ask I cannot tell you anything about it, but either way you guys will have to remain here."

"Ed! I've been allowed to go on every mission before why not this one." Al was hurt but Ed's dismissal.

"Al, that was when Mustang was sending me on the missions, up here I am to listen to the Briggs solders and as much as I hate it Kimblee is also my superior." Ed was not surprised to see that Winry looked irate about his last comment. "Also I would feel more comfortable with you looking out for Winry because most of the higher ups will be out on the field with me."

"Ed will this be dangerous," Winry asked eyes swimming with worry.

"Yeah, but not as bad as any other job," Ed moved his hands to the pull out the pocket watch from his pocket, looking at the military symbol, "Hey Al, would you hand me a cigarette," he asked not taking his eyes off the watch in his hand.

"Ed why are you being so nonchalant about this," Winry yelled watching as Al wordlessly handed Ed what he asked for.

"Winry I'm scared as hell, but I have no choice about this, I have to do what they say or you could get hurt, and I can't let you get hurt." Ed nodded to his brother and headed to the door lighter and cigarette in hand.

"Ed you don't have to go, you can smoke in front of us, the smell won't bother me too much, I just don't want you to leave my sight right now." Winry spoke honestly and was met with a small smile from Ed.

"Are you sure Winry?" Ed asked uncertainly, but when she nodded he decided that he would listen to her, but he still walked to the window and opened it sitting down on the sill. He lit the cigarette and drew a deep breathe through it, feeling the chemicals flood into his body. Ed closed his eyes and leaned back relaxing into the window sill, feeling the eyes of his friends on him so he opened his eyes. "What's up?"

"You look like yourself more then you have for a while," Al spoke a little shyly, Ed could hear the smile in his brothers voice and couldn't help but smile himself, "do those things really help that much?" Al's voice took Ed by surprise and he had to look up to know if his brother was really asking him that.

"Yeah, I guess they do, though I never thought that they would, I was very skeptical when I tried them but they surprised me." Ed was speaking softly not meeting his brother's eyes.

"Why did you try them?" It was Winry's turn to ask when she noticed that he was willing to talk without yelling at them.

"I in Mustangs office and Havoc had left his there when they were called away on a emergency meeting and…" Ed stopped speaking looking out the window, it was a surprisingly warm day for the frozen wonderland they were living in, "and I let my curiosity get the better of me so I picked one up and I pulled it apart, I wanted to look at what was inside of it, since they were not sold in Resembool so I wanted to know what they were made up of." Ed smiles slightly taking another long draw, "I didn't thing to try it till I had put it back together, using alchemy I was able to make it look like I hadn't done anything, but I was still curious, so I tried it and well you know the rest." He sighed putting the butt out with his automail hand threw it into the trash, "You mind if the window stays open for a little longer?" when they both shook their heads he returned to his seat on the sill.

After Ed was reseated the room had lapsed into a silence that wasn't strange or uncomfortable, just there, Al pulled a book out and began to read about some form of alchemic law and Winry had pulled out her tools and was polishing them to a shine. Ed was the only one who was watching out the window as the Briggs men was packing up some of the cars for the oncoming search, he noticed with a some interest that they were pack quite a few guns and boxes for ammunition, he silently thanked the stars or whatever was up there that he had the Lieutenant teach him how to properly fire and handle a gun.

Ed shook his head as he glanced at his brother and friend who both focused on their tasks looking content and happy. What would they do if he didn't come back from this search team? He wonders absently looking back out the window. He couldn't think like that, and tried to push that thought out of his head but it would not leave, he knew that this would be a dangerous mission and wished that he could tell them what was on his mind but knew that if he did they would both insist that they were coming and that would put them in danger of getting hurt. Ed couldn't let that happen he could bear the thought that they could get hurt trying to help him, not like Hughes.

"Ed are you crying," Al asked looking up from his book.

"Just thinking," Ed answered but before he could elaborate there was a knock on his door.

Ed got up and answered the door to find an out of breathe Falman panting in the door way, when he saw that Ed was watching him he straighten up and spook, "Fullmetal Sir, I was told to tell you that there has been a change of plans and that you are to report to the front entrance imedately sir." He finished his speech with a solute and a small smile, "you are to bring with you only what you will need to stay warm and preform alchemy, all other battle equipment will be provided for you."

"Right I'll be down, don't wait for me." Ed spoke forcing his voice to remain calm despite the tears that began to burn his eyes.

"Yes sir!"

"Battle equipment Ed what's going on?" Winry's voice was fearful and her eyes were wide.

"Standard procedure in these parts I assume," Ed's voice was strained with the effort to keep calm and not show his racing heart. "Al can I skip the wait and have a cigarette now, I don't have any on me so I won't get one later and I could use one now?" Ed asked to shift the conversation away from the battle and onto something, anything else, but as soon as h said it he noticed that he could really use one.

"I guess… no more today though." Al muttered handing him the lighter and a cigarette. It was barely noon and Ed has had his 3 already today, "Ed are you sure that a pack lasted you 4 days?"

"Yes Al," Ed sighed standing up strait, pulling his cloak over his shoulders; he knew why Al had asked. "Normally I would have 2 in the morning and evening and one around noon like I have today, but there is no way that I will get one later because I won't have any on me, you heard him only what I need to do alchemy well that's my hands and arms." He grabbed them and lit is with practiced ease, "Thanks though, for worrying about me so much though." He threw the lighter to his brother closing the door behind him before they could ask anything more.

He ran down the stairs 2 at a time and made it to the entrance before he was even done with his cigarette. "Fullmetal, I didn't know you smoked?" he heard captain Buccneer comment as He walked to cars.

"I have for some time, though I am trying to quite." Ed said as he nodded to the solider handing him a small handgun, Ed pulled it up checking the sight and without thinking glanced up to his barracks window noticing that both Winry and Al were watching him.

"You know how to shoot?" the solider asked while Ed was checking the gun.

Ed nodded looking over at the targets they had set up, "What are those for?"

"To check every ones shooting skills so that we know where to put you. Care to take a shot or two?" the solider answered without hesitation and lead him to a target where he was surrounded by others emptying a clip into the targets.

"Sure." Ed answered setting up his feet and taking aim at the targets, conscious that as soon as he pulled the trigger both Al and Winry would know he was trained in more than just hand to hand combat. Ed lined up his sights with the heart of the target and taking the wind into consideration just as he was taught to he fired 5 times all hitting in a tight cluster around the heart. Without pause he readjusted his aim and fired the remainder of the clip into the target's head, when he stopped he realized that those around them had stopped and watched him shoot.

That is when General Armstrong walk over to them, "Fullmetal when did you become such a good shoot, I thought that you were and alchemist?"

"I am an alchemist but I had Lieutenant Hawkeye teach me how to shoot when I realized that I was in deeper trouble then I thought originally, but my real combat skills lay I hand to hand, I was trained with my brother by my teacher." Ed boasted and looked over to see Al and Winry standing wide eyed at the entrance of the fort. "Excuse me, please." When the General nodded he walked over to them. "What are you doing here?"

"Seeing you off," Al said trying to put his brother's defiance in his voice, "When did you learn to shoot like that." Al couldn't keep the awe out of his voice when he spoke.

"I asked Lieutenant Hawkeye to teach me after the incident in lab 5, I figure if I had something to fall back on in a fight I would be better off." Ed said watching Winry more than Al, she looked shocked and out of place. "I figured that if I needed to I could transmute my arm into a gun or something."

"Ed you had better not!" Winry yelled pulling her wrench out of no were and hitting Ed across the forehead with it.

"Winry!" Al jumped grabbing his brother's arm to stop him from falling over.

"Haha, that's the Winry I know," Ed laughs as the solider from before starts toward them. "Don't worry about me, I'll come back." Ed mutters pulling her into a hug and muttering in her ear, "Take care of my little brother while I'm gone."

Before she could say anything the solider walked over to him and spoke, "Fullmetal sir, your weapon," he handed Ed belt that held 4 gun holsters 2 on the side like standard belts that were given to the novices and 2 crossed behind him, it looked like something that would be given to Hawkeye over someone like him. Seeing his confusion the solider added, "You said that you were mainly trained in hand to hand so we thought it would be better for you to have a lighter weight belt and not as large of guns. Sir."

"Thanks," Ed clicked the belt on and moved around. "This is great thanks." He said brightly looking back to the cars. "When are we leaving?"

"As soon as we get the ok by General and Major Kimblee."

"Right thanks call me when you get it ok. Dismissed." Ed ordered and looked back at his tag friends. "You guys should go back to the room."

"We will when you leave ok?" Winry asked but didn't mean that to be a question and looked at Ed again. Here stood same boy who left to become a state alchemist when he was only 12 and now he was 16 and stood taller than she was now. His shoulders where broad and squared as he watched absently while the other soldiers load the things into the cars. She also noticed that he was nervous by the way that he was fidgeting, he could stand still. "Ed, you ok?"

Ed hadn't heard Winry speak because at the same moment the soldiers waved him over to the so they could get going. "See yah later guys." Ed spoke getting into the car. Soon it began moving and he couldn't stop the feeling that everything will go wrong during this search mission.


	5. Chapter 5

They had made it to the central command and all Ed could feel was the dread that had wormed its way into his stomach. He looked around trying to find something to pull his mind off his feelings. "You look nervous this first mission that you have been on that is like this?" Major Miles spoke from behind him and he jumped without think. "I'll take that as a yes." He smiled.

"Yeah, first of this caliber and first this well-armed." Ed smiled nervously back at him and looked around.

"Fullmetal, you will be with me and my men, your combat skills will fit well on my team." Kimblee spook calmly and grabs him by the arm and pulls him into the cold. "I will be leading this expedition though."

"Right," Ed nodded walking down the steps to Kimblee's men who looked like they were not afraid to kill. "Well I assume you know where Scar is because I was not to be deployed till they had found him being that I had fought him already."

"Your right but you'll be the bait." Kimblee smiled, "Your cloak that you are always wearing makes you stand out as well as hide the guns you were issued; add you hand to hand combat skills and you are the best bet that we have of not only finding him but detaining him." Kimblee had lead them to an opened area surrounded by taller buildings so that they could cover him. "By the way, if you get the chance to you are to kill him." Ed looks down at the ground and nods absently, he didn't want to kill anyone but he knew that he would be asked to do so. Kimblee smiled at his reaction and spook, "Normally I wouldn't ask that but you need to learn that you have to kill on our command, you are not a child anymore."

"I understand sir," Ed spoke threw gritted teeth, Colonel Mustang had begun to lecture him about that but he had failed to listen, he thought that it wouldn't apply to him, not because he was a kid, but because he wasn't working with the military fully.

He saw that Kimblee had nodded and was walking into one of the buildings. "Fullmetal! Get ready, we will be watching but won't help you till the culprit has come out of hiding, fully."

Ed waved his right hand to tell them that he had heard and looked at his surroundings. He was surrounded by about 6 buildings that were in a half circle around giving him a good cover from the northern winds that were blowing. Ed was briefed as to why they were out now because there was a storm coming from the north that would be here tonight, the higher up refused to let them do the search in that storm that was coming. Either way Scar would feel the winds picking up and could see the storm clouds coming so it would make since for him to come around to a place where there would be good cover. Ed also knew that Scar was smart if he thought that this area was safe from the storm he would check for the military presents.

While Ed was thinking he noticed that something had moved around from the northeast, Ed didn't turn though but shifted his weight so that he could get out of the way if need be and strained his ears to hear if anybody came up around him. Again the movement appeared in the same corner that it had before expect this time Ed noticed that it was not fully human in its movement, it moved like a big cat but it didn't look like a cat. Ed was debating wither or not to turn when the thing jumped him with a loud roar.

Ed jumped to his left in the last moment and kicked out with his automail leg hitting the half lion on the side of its head. A chimera, why would a chimera be attacking him? Ed pulled his arms back into a fighting possession so that he could fight back. "Why are you attacking me? Are you working for Scar?" Ed yelled when the thing attacked him again not bothering to speak. "Not talkative I see," Ed muttered while he fought the chimera toward the mineshaft that the town was built around it. "Damn, where are Kimblee and his men." Ed let the chimera push him back only to feel the ground disappear from beneath him plunging him down the steps to a lower level of the mineshaft, the elevator stood uselessly beside him. "Damn."

Ed looked around and this time saw some TNT and thought of the chimeras that he had fought before; they had the benefits of the animals that they were combined with, but that also meant that they had the sensitivity that the animals have. "Sulfur," Ed smirked running over to the TNT getting things ready a transmutation. He was going to break down the TNT to release the smell that would bother the cat's sensitive nose.

The chimera jumped down the stairs with ease only to find Ed in the corner with his hands clasped before him. "Ha, bye, bye kitty." Ed finished the transmutation and the rotten egg smell filled the air forcing the chimera to cover its nose to try and avoid the smell. Ed took that moment to rush pasted to the chimera and up the stairs trying to get back to the starting area to try and find Scar. He ran at top speed toward the building that they had used to watch him, though something told him that they would not be there. Despite the feeling he continued to run to the building, but when he got there his suspicions were confirmed. His comrades as he should call them, but couldn't bring himself to, were gone. "Great, not only do I have a chimera chasing me but my back up against Scar is gone." Ed yelled at the silence that surrounded him.

Ed looked around him and noticed that there were no signs that anybody was here to begin with. Ed stopped short when he heard something hit the ground just behind him and he spun around only to see another chimera this time it looked like a gorilla not a cat. "Great, not again," Ed Kicked the chimera with his automail leg and sprinted out the door, running out into the opening. Ed continued to run but failed to notice the lion chimera cutting his path, lashing out with his claws to Ed's face. He felt the chimera's claws cut threw his cloak and jacket into his flesh. "Ouch!" Ed yelled gripping his cloths pushing them into the cuts. Ed had just gotten cut but he could feel his vision blurring and his head getting dizzy.

The gorilla chimera came up behind him and grabbed Ed before he could dodge out of the way, "Got you little alchemist boy." It grumbled into his ear holding his arms, while the lion chimera paced in front of him. Ed struggled to grab one of the guns he had or put his hands together to preform alchemy. To do anything but stand there while they act like he is the prey that they want to eat. "No point pip squeak, I won't let you go."

Ed felt his temper rise and before he could stop himself he yelled. "Who you calling a pip squeak!" Ed struggled but could not get himself out of this things hold. He could feel his head getting foggy still, and could barely keep his eye on the lion that was pacing ever closer to him with his teach bared as if you eat him. "Let me go!"

Ed's struggling was growing week by the time that he heard the gun shot ring threw the road, followed by the flashes of blue that signified the military had come to help. The chimera holding Ed dropped him with pained growl and Ed fell to the ground with a sickening crunch and he tried to get up but was met with a flash of pain.

"Fullmetal!" Ed heard someone yell and felt hands, or more precisely one hand, grab him to turn him over, and he saw Captain Buccaneer standing over him. "Fullmetal sir!" He sounded panicked but Ed could only guess why, he felt his head became foggy, before he could respond though Ed's vision go black and he fell asleep.

**AN: Well that was shorter than I thought and sorry if it doesn't make since but I suck at battles. **


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